yknow, there's kinks i dont plan on trying in the future, mostly out of plain discomfort: ageplay, scat/piss, bdsm, etc. some i don't plan to for very personal reasons and some others just seem a bit too scary for me. but sometimes i accidentally try something in the "scary" category and actually turns out fun? which is, interesting. 

i have always been scared of eateot mostly because of its themes, and the horror that is slowly losing your memories due to Alzheimer's, somehow i always felt like if its realistic enough (which idk if it is) i might momentarily forget Everything, and not in the cool sexy way but in the really fucking scary one (i do highly respect it as an art piece though! shoutouts to The Caretaker, he is so talented)

this kinda ties in with how identity death themes have been kind of out of my reach for a bit? losing my sense of self was scary in the same way eateot was. then, during a hypnosis session, they made me forget who i am, my name, my aspirations in life, etc, while simultaneously turning me into various things without inherent identity such as a robot or a "null" object, and because this is a hypnotist i'm comfortable with the experience was like, actually fun?? dare i say hot, even. like actually really hot, especially because it lent me into following orders more mindlessly, even while "awake"

its kinda fascinating how one can overcome fears just like that, when you confront them in a completely different context. do i want to forget who i am for real? no, but it is fun letting someone play with my brain and squeeze its memories out momentarily. i am not going to try every single fetish i currently dislike, but this experience will be good to keep in mind for the future. maybe i'll listen to EATEOT one day